Last month D and I got the Jellybean baptised. This is a 10 step-by-step guide by myself and D on how to make a christening/party/function as stressful as possible.
*This is a light-hearted piece and not to be taken too seriously*
ME: Organise it to be in your home town, which happens to be in another country. This will allow everything to become 10 times more difficult when problems arise.
D: Allow it to be organised in a foreign country, and assume that those organising it wont get there wires crossed AT ALL. Eventually convince Kat to call the church directly… 5 days before the event.
ME: Have miscommunication between yourself and the church regarding the ceremony time, making it an hour earlier than what was sent on the invites – to people travelling by plane to get there.
D: See Step One.
ME: Consequently, have the godparents’ flight land 20 minutes before the ceremony starts. This will give the parents ample time to worry if they will make it and spend the first half of the ceremony glancing to the back of the church (they did make it – just!).
D: Devise several bank account crippling back-up plans to avoid the Godparents missing the ceremony. Call Godfather and have the “It’ll be fine,” conversation the day before.
ME: Book a function room whose maximum capacity is for 30 people and have 40 people attend. Those people you don’t think will show up – SURPRISE!
D: Agree to a function room that you are assured, by the people who have lived in the town, is great and will easily accommodate the guests.
ME: Have a function room who are completely inadequate at supplying sufficient service, cutlery, crockery and food quantity for the numbers you provided weeks in advance. This is definitely down to our poor venue picking.
D: Realise you’ve paid €150 per slice of pizza you’ve eaten.
ME: Forget to eat the food you paid for. But drink the wine. Always drink the wine.
D: Not a beer to be seen, which is well needed.
ME: Ignore your guests and tend to your baby who is awfully confused by all of the commotion. Thank you to the godparents who took her out for a walk to get her to sleep.
D: Wrestle a pram up and down stairs, only to have the godparents point out that you could have just taken it apart.
ME: Attempt to socialise with everyone by having the same five minute conversations to each person.
D: Awkwardly try and get round every family member, while the two friends from England you convinced to come over are quizzed about their life choices by people they’ve never met.
ME: Leave the hired room and go to another venue for overpriced drinks to socialise with the people you sort-of uninvited due to Step Four.
D: Beer at last.
ME: Write the thank you cards but leave them in the back of the car for 2 weeks and forget to post them.
D: Definitely not my fault.
In all seriousness, we had a lovely day. Jellybean not only had the most gorgeous dress made for her by my best friend, she had a shawl made by D’s aunt and the christening cap and all the details on the gown made by my mum.
D’s other aunt made the most stunning Carrot Cake for us and I somehow managed to bring some home with me! She was given gorgeous gifts too, the spoiled little thing.
It’s strange how much stress we let one day put on us. We were lucky that the little one was an angel the whole day and hopefully our guests had a lovely time.