Momma Life

Shit Days

 

Parenthood and shit days go hand in hand, and if you thought any different then sorry but this is your wake up call. Unless of course you’re one of those annoying stepford-wife-robots and are completely in denial of how utterly shit your spawn can be at times.
Sorry, but I’m not buying it when you tell me they always sleep through the night, never cry unwarranted or have never at some stage poo or peed all over you. I am calling bullshit. After all, I could check all of these off in the first week.

Babies cry. It’s their only way of communicating. I get that. They cry when they’re hungry, tired, bored, uncomfortable, too hot, too cold, are teething, want a cuddle, need a change or, and here’s the kicker, they just want to cry. But does it have to be so incessant? Unfortunately yes. And sometimes they cry and cry and you have no idea why, you’ve done everything, and yet they still cry. blogshit days You rock them, sing the song they love, play aeroplane, try massage, or a bath and nothing works. You’ve been up since the crack of dawn, your stomach is growling at you and the washing up hasn’t been done in days so there’s no clean mugs for tea. The place is a mess, there’s nothing grabbable in the fridge, there’s not one clean muslin in sight, and you forgot to put your breast pads in so you’re leaking through your pyjama top. It is about now you realise today is a shit day. Your child is wailing at this point too, so you might as well just join in.
I probably didn’t need to describe the shit day, those of you who have or had babies will probably know what I’m on about or at the very least remember (not so fondly). That was for the benefit of the child-less. My intention is to be openly truthful about my motherhood experience, and dammit you’re going to get the good, the bad and the downright ugly.

I meet a lot of new-mums who have family and parents around, they have a network of support for the shit days. I moved to England two years ago to a city where I have no family. D has an aunt, uncle and cousins who are fab and amazing and I know if I asked, they would be there if they could. But there’s the issue – the asking. I struggle with it. It’s not that I’m too proud, my own family will attest to that. I’m on the phone moaning to my sister every other week (I am definitely an annoying little sister). But they’re not ‘my’ family. Yes, D and I have been together 8 years. Yes, I have lived with said family on my own for 3 months. But I still find it difficult to ask. It’s embarrassing. But I did, I asked (I’ll admit, after I had been offered) and help was at the door in half an hour.

IMG_7979

Other days I haven’t had the guts to ask for help I got out of the house. I put the Jellybean in the pram, threw a jacket on and just got out. Being inside your home where everything is convenient can fill you with dread at the thought of facing the outdoors, especially on a shit day. But 9 times out of 10 Jellybean will settle once we’re outside and she has new things to look at.

I’ve recently started going to a gym class at Southampton Barbell (shameless family plug) on a Wednesday night. I’m gone max two hours door to door. One Wednesday I got home and the flat had been tipped upside down. By the time I took Jellybean off D he had collapsed onto the bed and completely checked out for the night. After a long day at work, two hours of a screaming baby had him done. And that’s okay, I did our massage routine and calmed her down, she soon after fell asleep. Obviously if the crying persisted he would have helped. Yes, he has a daytime job and when he gets home he has to play daddy. But I am mommy all day, all night, twenty four hours a day and seven days a week. When she cries in the night I am up because he needs to be switched on for his job. And that is fine, but being Mommy always means shit days are inevitable. Sometimes it’s hard and tough and I need to ask for help. And that is okay, it doesn’t mean you love your little one any less, just that some days are harder than others.

21 thoughts on “Shit Days”

  1. You are so right, back when our daughter was little oh my gosh it was definitely a challenge . I wanted to finish chores yet I cannot because there are other things going on. I felt this way when our daughter was little , but now that she is 4 years old it’s a different story. She is more fun and help me clean her room.

    Like

  2. All of this is sooooo true! Yes. Very spot on. I remember feeling this way when my son was younger and I had no clue how to get through it. But it’s the reality of being a parent.

    Like

    1. I don’t think everyone has it figured out… remember they’re showing you their highlight reel! I find it so cathartic to write about my struggles as well as the good moments, so I’m so glad you gain something from it too 💕

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Interesting post. I guess this is all a part of accepting the reality of being a mother. Crying will always occur as babies really have no other way to communicate. While many mothers do make out that it is a lot easier than it really is, others just see it as putting on a brave face and adopting a positive attitude, simply because they would say that doing anything else is less than helpful in the circumstances. To each their own, and I guess all mothers differ in their approach to get through this stage of their offspring’s life.

    Like

  4. Girlfriend, I am a REALLY positive person, and I agree with you! I’ve considered those days that are not so great as shadowing for the amazing highs that are about to come (at least, that is how I keep my sanity). Every mom goes thru pupu days and the more we embrace them, the better the GREAT days unfold. What goes down, must come up, and we learn, as moms that is the nature of life. ❤ Evelyn, PathofPresence

    Like

  5. This is so true! Motherhood is not a perfect picture of domestic bliss. It’s hard…. Really hard. And most days are messy and loud and exhausting and long. But good. It’s still good. And no matter what kind of day it is, that little face needs you. Every day. And that’s good too. I’m right there with you in the trenches mama!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I feel you mum! We have no one to help us on our shit day either. Once I wrote a blog post of how our toddler “ruin” our beach vacation because she was unusually cranky and which we try to cope.. but I got a lot badly bashed!

    Like

  7. How true! I always say that these people posting how perfect their lives are, are hiding all the “other” (and a few have even “turned normal” after a few years – I guess they realize it’s not getting better and they need to keep it real). I find asking for help to be hard as well, it’s like I should be able to do this! I hate to say it does not necessarily get better (granite I have 4 kids), there is always someone crying/fighting and my house is always messier than I would like.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Thanks so much for directing me here, this is so true. There really are shit days and being a 24/7 mum can be so overwhelming, especially because more often than not you feel so alone! Good for you that you’ve joined the gym and allowed yourself to get out of the house, that’s great!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s